Depression

I have earlier written about this however deleted it later on as I realised that I was not being natural and writing what I have been told or heard or may be read, but today after lot of realisations and sufferings I have been able to depict it more powerfully and naturally and again these are just my observations and realisations, the reality may differ from individual to individual.

Till today I really do not understand what actually depression means. I even don’t know if I actually suffer from depression or not but yes I certainly observes sadness in me from time to time and it has been years since I have been feeling this way. I could never feel happy from within. I am liked by people at first instance when they meet me because they find me vivacious, entertaining and funny but they hardly know that this is the personality I am showing them and it is not my real self, it is my desperate attempt to be loved and accepted, and it satisfies me when people are pleased with me because there is somehow lot of sadness in me that constantly tries to convince me that I will end alone and that is also the reason that I do not say NO to people on lot many instances when I should have said No, just so that they all should like me and be with me always but opposite happens.

However, this is not my concern, my concern here is that people talk a lot about mental illness and how one should help an individual suffering but do they really care. The answer is no. No counselling, medication and psychiatrist can help an individual if the person is lonely at heart and those to whom they turn in hope turns their back or refuse to understand their dilemma. I could never be happy being with people around and then I was told, “No matter how mush we do for you, its never enough”, they fail to understand that may be I want to but I just can’t. Like I will quote an example here, in 2019 I was in USA at my brother’s place for vacation. He use to take me out on social gatherings with his friends in USA, but i use to sit alone while my brother and his wife have fun, chit-chat. And later at home my brother once yelled “We do all this to keep you happy and in return what you do, sit alone”. I was heartbroken but couldn’t make bhaiya understand, what goes in me I want to enjoy but just can’t. This took me back in the days when I was living with awesome flatmates in Mumbai, they planned a surprise party on my birthday however I told them few days earlier that please do not organise anything for me because I knew I won’t be happy. But they did, their intentions were obviously nice but i just sat in my room and at the end they stopped talking to me and later yelled that “If this is your nature no one will ever like you”. I was quiet. All the insults, humiliation is fresh in me.

My question here to everyone here is that have you all really tried to understand what a person’s heart is feeling, why the person feels lonely amidst the hell lot of people. Then why to humiliate the person, when they themselves do not understand why they are experiencing this pain. They want to be happy but can’t. Sometimes, you have to just keep patience with them. It is not an easy task, but if you can’t do that then do not tell them, you need therapy.Their best therapy would be your love, family’s support. Sometimes’s they just need someone to listen to them without any judgement and advice. Depression is something which makes the person suffer without any reason. Your kindness can heal them miraculously.

Try to understand them and be polite. You are their Councillor, not some person who is paid to hear them. Only your love and support can cure them.

Love and Light

Tripts