Tag Archives: Depression

Monster in Brain

It’s been long time since I have written anything and this also I am doing on the regular insistence of one of my fan, well just kidding he is a dear friend. And usually on request people generally come up with something peppy and positive but the kind of state I am in I do not think I would be able to come up to motivate someone. In fact writing something is also taking lot of efforts still I will try. And for few of you who would be reading for a change I wouldn’t be naming anyone so you all can relax 😅

Well, so I have written a lot about mental health and there is nothing new I will write but I will try to give you peep into someone’s mind especially the one who is battling depression. Well, to start with in today’s world of social media people talk a lot about mental health, it’s like it gives you brownie points to be sensible, mateured and intellectual, however ironically it’s not the case. Because you might seem to be someone who know a lot about mental health and encourage depressive people to seek medication which in reality is not the case.

Well I am not against psychiatric treatment and medication, in fact I do believe in it. But it is so funny the people close to you will make you believe that you are suffering from some mental health issue and should seek treatment but the same people lack compassion, empathy and sympathy for you. I have always spoken about the incidents I have faced in life hence I talk on facts and not imaginations. Well what are those incidents I’ll talk in another blog as I already said that I wouldn’t name shame anyone.

So, these days I am not in correct mindset. My mind is tired because it is working round the clock then my body should have. Overthinking is still okay but my mind has a monster sitting in my mind which constantly sends red flag to me the moment I fell asleep which rarely happens that wake up you have to kill yourself and as soon as I wake up there is a peculiar pain in my chest and my mind is not allowing anything positive to come in, it just tells me this world is not for you. You don’t belong here, common let’s get up and leave forever. If I do not leave my bed I gets even more trapped in captivity of my monsterous mind.

This is not the story of only one me but thousands of those suffering from mental health issue, and trust me it gives you a feeling that you are completely alone though you might be having 1000 of friends. Well it is really easy to judge such people and motivate them but more than that you have to be with them, you don’t have to make them believe anything just stay with them constantly irrespective of their non sensical approach to life. I am sure 99.9 percent people do exact opposite of this. I am talking from my own experience. Many of my closed ones and friends even family have left me because I am really difficult to live with. You know this makes a person even more sick.

Trust me it is only you and your love can cure a person with loads of sadness inside, not some professional, that comes at later stage, you have given up at first only on your loved one. So here I leave you with the thought, yes the person is having mental health issue, yes the person is difficult, yes the person is not lisitening but is it okay to maintain distance with them, till yesterday when they were fun loving, entertaining and fun to be around you all loved her company, today when you find her bit abnormal, you no longer want to be around. Think about it can happen to anyone, will you like such behaviour if they were you.

All said and done I am with them who think they are lonely. If you want you can drop a comment, I won’t leave your hand❤️

Stay happy, stay healthy and keep going

Lots of love

Tripts

Past is a painful place to visit…

This is a sheer truth. Good or bad, past is always a painful place to visit. Good memories will want you to go back there and bad ones will make you regret. In either ones you will in the end feel sad remembering old times.

But question here is why we always think about things that has happened, it will no longer bring back the time which is past. But as they say it’s always easier to say things than done. No matter how hard we try or how practical we appear someday or the other we sit and think about past. And moreover “Depressive” people tend to think more about situations and events happened in their lives. No therapy and counselling can help them in this.

The only way out is to keep yourself busy as much as you can that you don’t get time to think. Because remember believe me or not no one will ever think about present situations happening around them, they might as well think about future but more than sadness it gives them fear and hope that will they make it or not. So in short “Thoughts” means “Past”. But nothing is impossible. Stop going through old letters, photos and school books. That time you have lived and passed. Create more memories now and again forget that it happened. It certainly seems difficult but not impossible.

Always remember you are stronger than you think. This is coming from a person who always live in past. So, I am sure you all are better off than me atleast.

Love and light to all

Tripts

Compassionate Lisitening

Before we talk about comapassionate lisitening, let us understand what is compassion, in simple words it means understanding. Hence, compassionate listening is understanding the suffering without any judgements or advices. Be the person with whom someone in stress can share his or her ordeals and fights related to life also may be with all the wrong perceptions and ideas about situations and people around them. They don’t need to be corrected at the time when they are coming to you in hope of some relief.

When a person is in stress all he/she needs is someone who will lisiten without any judgements, even if they are completely wrong. Be the bin where they can just dump all the garbage inside them. What most of us do is we try to tell them how they have turned situation against them, how they have messed up everything and what they need to do to correct everything in life. No, they don’t need your advice at that point in life when they themselves are suffering a lot inside. Just lisiten to them what they have to say and your reaction should be silently “Everything will be allright” look.

People talk a lot about mental health and how one should be helped to deal with stress and depression and anxiety, but do they really do something about it when it comes to them in person. I have gone through this personally when I have been advised how I should change myself when I am telling that what I have done was wrong and admitting to it. And its not about individual experience if someone talks to me opening up and also telling me that they have done nothing wrong where at the back of the mind I know that’s not right, but I do not correct them because I know emptying themselves will lighten their hearts and eventually people do realise what was their mistake and what they have done was wrong. You do not have to be their teacher at the time of stress.

If you can be a dumping bag for them, it will really help them and they will not find themselves all alone in this fight called “LIFE”. Be the one, Be the Compassionate Listeners.

Have a happy day!

Love and Light

Tripts ❤️

Depression

I have earlier written about this however deleted it later on as I realised that I was not being natural and writing what I have been told or heard or may be read, but today after lot of realisations and sufferings I have been able to depict it more powerfully and naturally and again these are just my observations and realisations, the reality may differ from individual to individual.

Till today I really do not understand what actually depression means. I even don’t know if I actually suffer from depression or not but yes I certainly observes sadness in me from time to time and it has been years since I have been feeling this way. I could never feel happy from within. I am liked by people at first instance when they meet me because they find me vivacious, entertaining and funny but they hardly know that this is the personality I am showing them and it is not my real self, it is my desperate attempt to be loved and accepted, and it satisfies me when people are pleased with me because there is somehow lot of sadness in me that constantly tries to convince me that I will end alone and that is also the reason that I do not say NO to people on lot many instances when I should have said No, just so that they all should like me and be with me always but opposite happens.

However, this is not my concern, my concern here is that people talk a lot about mental illness and how one should help an individual suffering but do they really care. The answer is no. No counselling, medication and psychiatrist can help an individual if the person is lonely at heart and those to whom they turn in hope turns their back or refuse to understand their dilemma. I could never be happy being with people around and then I was told, “No matter how mush we do for you, its never enough”, they fail to understand that may be I want to but I just can’t. Like I will quote an example here, in 2019 I was in USA at my brother’s place for vacation. He use to take me out on social gatherings with his friends in USA, but i use to sit alone while my brother and his wife have fun, chit-chat. And later at home my brother once yelled “We do all this to keep you happy and in return what you do, sit alone”. I was heartbroken but couldn’t make bhaiya understand, what goes in me I want to enjoy but just can’t. This took me back in the days when I was living with awesome flatmates in Mumbai, they planned a surprise party on my birthday however I told them few days earlier that please do not organise anything for me because I knew I won’t be happy. But they did, their intentions were obviously nice but i just sat in my room and at the end they stopped talking to me and later yelled that “If this is your nature no one will ever like you”. I was quiet. All the insults, humiliation is fresh in me.

My question here to everyone here is that have you all really tried to understand what a person’s heart is feeling, why the person feels lonely amidst the hell lot of people. Then why to humiliate the person, when they themselves do not understand why they are experiencing this pain. They want to be happy but can’t. Sometimes, you have to just keep patience with them. It is not an easy task, but if you can’t do that then do not tell them, you need therapy.Their best therapy would be your love, family’s support. Sometimes’s they just need someone to listen to them without any judgement and advice. Depression is something which makes the person suffer without any reason. Your kindness can heal them miraculously.

Try to understand them and be polite. You are their Councillor, not some person who is paid to hear them. Only your love and support can cure them.

Love and Light

Tripts

i’ve NEVER BEEN UNHAPPIER- Shaheen Bhatt

I recently read this book and actually like it because on lot many things I can relate to it being a depression survivor. Here are the excerpts that describes my mental state perfectly.

Most of the days the thought that crosses my mind is “I am filled with disgust about myself, and may be that’s the problem where do you go when you hate your own company?” How do you escape you? Mostly to me everything hurts, everything still hurts. Why does the worst always get worse. I always think that I am stupid, I am laughable, I am worthless, I am empty, I am useless, I am a burden, I am waste, I am unlovable, I am selfish, I am awful: I should just not exist. Just some random thoughts I am sharing. Low self esteem is the biggest problem for people dealing with depression.

But yet I would say always dare to embrace darkness to stay functionally sane, like I do. There are thousands of people out there who are shadowed by this biochemical disorder called depression. And we all wish life wasn’t so worst.

I am in constant anguish. There’s a deep unexplained sadness that’s eating away at my hopes. It took me a long time to understand the nature of illness with since as a condition, depression is particularly stigmatised in Indian Society, not to mention widely misunderstood in general. Remember Depression is a common mood disorder and a serious medical illness.

The feeling is a shapelifter. Somedays it comes to me silently taking me by surprise- cold, unfeeling and blank, an infinite void disguised as a wisp of a smoke melting into the very air. Other days it’s a colossal monster that shakes the ground beneath me making me shiver with its every defeaning step in my direction. On the worst days it comes to me as myself, as everything I could have been and as everything I will never be: immaculate and completely without fault. It taunts and belittles me, obscuring my successes and highlighting my failures. This has been my constant thought process since long.

I’ve learned over the years that there is big difference between wishing you were dead and wanting to kill yourself. And that’s the truth with most of the depression survivors, they might say they want to commit suicide but in most cases they won’t harm themselves. You just need to understand them.

There is almost never an actual reason for this pain, almost never a concrete, upsetting thoughts that causes my tears. For me it began slowly- odd low mood, an occasional barrage of intrusive negative thoughts, a flurry of unexplained tears.

All the uncertainty and unease, that mild discomfort, compounded into an all-encompassing sadness, and my still childlike mind struggled to piece it together.

Since childhood, I was crumbling under the weight of self-created expectation. I was never good enough. I continued to do badly at school, no matter how hard I tried and sincerely went on to believe I wasn’t smart enough. I lived in constant fear of failing all my exams and having to repeat a year which eventually I did, I failed 9th standard and my fear came true.

Let’s get technical for a minute. Very often insomnia (the inability to fall asleep) and depression go hand in hand, and a disruption of sleep patterns is one of depression’s most common symptoms. And after long enough it becomes near impossible to determine whether it’s insomnia that’s causing the depression or the depression that’s causing insomnia.

I used alcohol and smoke as a crutch during depressive episodes. I wasn’t an alcoholic and I could stop drinking and smoking for months if I chose to. The times I drank and smoke, I only did it to hide from my feelings because it was too agonizing to confront them. People who are depressed abuse substances in an attempt to free themselves of depression, and in doing so damage their lives to the extent that they become further depressed by the wear and tear their abusive behaviour causes.

When depressive episodes come, it feels as though they will never leave, but that is rarely the case. A person experiencing their first depressive episode is more likely to attempt suicide, while someone who has lived through a few episodes has more or less learned how to cope with them, and more importantly recognized that they eventually end.

I still have days on which I wish that I simply did not exist. I have days on which I wish I had never been born, I have days on which I wish I would die in my sleep. I even have really bad days on which thoughts of suicide start to waft about inside my head again.

Health anxiety was and still is one of the most debilitating side effects of depression I’ve experienced. I am awkward in social situations, I don’t make much eye contact, I talk too fast. It took me a long time to realize that anxiety has taken over my life almost as much as depression has. Remember: Depression is grief Anxiety is fear. Isolation is one of the hallmarks of depression.

No one understands how I feel is in all probability the most frequently thought and spoken descriptor of depression of all time and I think that’s because it’s true. No one can truly understand how you feel because the pain you experience is unique to you. In other words you can buy happiness off the rack but sadness is tailor made just for you.

There was also a marked difference in the way I thought I was perceived when I told people I was clinically depressed. When I was sad, I was just sad- I was someone who was struggling under the weight of difficulties life was throwing at me. But when I was depressed, I was either damaged or a drama queen.

In its worst moments, depression affects your ability to love as well as to be loved, leaving you incapable of either. So it’s hardly surprising that some of depression’s greatest damage is in the realm of relationships. The truth is someone is never going to fully understand how you feel unless they’ve been through the same thing.

We wear ‘I’m okay’ masks, so no one can see how we really feel or ascertain the things that hurt us; we don’t show them who we really are, we isolate ourselves when we’re in pain and then we spend all our time wondering why no one gets us. They never get us because they have no idea who we are. How could they? We’ve never told them.

My life so far has been a roller coaster of highs and lows, happiness and friendship. But this is what depression does; it robs you even if joyous hindsight. It poisons your mind and obscures all the good in your life. All the positive alive moments of life seem like distant, long lost memories and all that you can see in the rear-view mirror is the pain you’ve left behind.

The more I tried and failed at being content the worse I felt because I was failing at yet another thing. Trying to be happy forever is like trying to stop water from slipping through your fingers. It’s not possible and the only way forward is to realize and accept it. The only fixture in life is change.

And lastly I would say : I remind myself if happiness is fleeting, then so is sadness. I also remind myself depression is weather, and I’m a weather-worn tree. I also remind myself even the worst storm pass. And finally I remind myself I’ve survived them all.

Thank you for reading lovely people out there

Have a depression free life.

Love Tripts❤️

Happiness is a Myth!!!

You want to be happy because society has convinced you that normal people are happy all the time. You want to be happy because you want to fit in. But, why should you fit into the parameters of some made up definition of normalcy? You are exhausted because you’re always pretending to be something you’re not. You’re constantly trying to reach his non-existent, ideal state of emotional well-being. It’s not real. You’re being set up to fail. Take off the mask. You aren’t happy? Fine, you aren’t happy. One day you will be. And then you’ll be sad again. Accept that and stop chasing something that doesn’t exist. You can’t spend your life feeling bad about feeling bad.

Shine and keep shining

Tripts😇

Depression & Suicide…

The psychotically depressed person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of “hopelessness”… not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person… will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise… Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me… The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors.

Bit high to understand but meaning is deep hidden, if you can understand the person’s silence, you will understand this as well😇

Love

Tripts

Mental illness – Certified Madness

“Depression” what is it. What kind of illness is it? Is it a term used in English language, a disease or a myth. Over sometime I have realised that when someone is diagnosed with a disease called depression, that person is certified wrongdoer, means if something happens, and the person tries to put his or her side, it is always termed as “Oh that one is depressed, have mood swings etc etc, she or he needs therapy, that means she can never be right, why because she is depressed.

A person who goes through mental illness has the capability of thinking and understanding. She may have her versions to tell. She should be heard, acknowledged too. If someone commit suicide there also very easily it is blamed on the depression, that he/she was depressed and then comes all the fancy terms like “Bipolar Disorder” “Clinical Depression” “Schizophrenia” etc etc. For people you are suffering from mental illness that means whatever you say or believe is all in your mind, your imagination. You can never be right. There is overdeveloped sympathy for you. You are certified “Bechari” for everyone. You can no longer be a strong independent individual because you are suffering from some kind of mental illness.

It is so funny that first these people tell you that you are mentally ill then introduce you to some psychiatrist and then never let you live a normal life. Your whole life you are dependent on medicines and counsellors. If ever you try to talk about something that is not right, you are asked “Have you stopped taking your medicines”. In your head you have already accepted that this person is MAD, but you will not say it because you are an intellectual part of this society.

I would like to sum up here by saying that yes depression does exist, there are some forms of mental illness that do exist. But at the same time the depression survivors have brain to think, they can be intellectuals too. They can be right in lot many things. All you need is to be a compassionate lisiteners, where a person can lighten there hearts and all the baggage they have. Also treat them as normal human beings. Just because they are depressed does not mean, they don’t have right to feel bad, hurt and raise their voice and if they in worst case commit suicide, we should not assume that they were depressed so died and close the matter. They can be abused, threatened or going through certain situations in life which is not right.

Remember “Depression” is a illness that is weakness and sadness hidden in heart. It has nothing to do with your mind, that can very well think and rationalise.

Love

Tripts

Loneliness & its mental health impact

Loneliness is a subjective feeling that people are not with you, people don’t understand you, you don’t feel connected, you feel alone. And what’s interesting is loneliness is different from social isolation. It is really ironic that someone can have wide network of people around them and still feel lonely. And that is majorly my problem as well. Being surrounded with people I always feel lonely. So that means lonelyness and social isolation are 2 different things. And I fall in 2nd category.

So let’s talk about people who are socially connected still lonely. So first of all we need to understand what is the quality of interaction we have if we say we are socially connected and a lot of people will say that we are mostly connected socially online a lot these days, that means the social connectivity that we feel is not in real life, then secondly when you are connecting with people are you making yourself vulnerable. Because in reality online everyone portray the perfect life, no one displays the imperfections so first of all you have to decide are you willing to do that and as a result the person you are doing this is willing to receive this. Here I would like to state a beautiful quote “Compassionate listening is giving permission to the other person to empty their heart.” – Thich Nhat Hanh.

And now so how do we become Compassionate listeners? Compassion is empathy in action and empathy is gateway to compassion. Listening is very important without judgement, without imposing your point of view. That means we need to be that someone who can listen and give you the space to unload yourself. And trust me being a compassionate listener is a Privilige, a quality that most of us are lacking today.

Why being judgemental ???

Being judgemental is the biggest disease of our country. I believe almost everyone here is judgemental, you will rarely find a “Species” who is not judgemental and who takes people and situations the way it is. I am also not away of this disease however have made lot of improvement in this area and hence am able to write a blog on this. Earlier I use to be hell lot of judgemental about everyone, but as they say na Karma is above all, I was hit so hard by Karma that I understood the effect it has on others so now I have stopped being judgmental though I am judged a lot.

So what if someone is not married at the age of 40, so what if someone is still virgin at the age of 40, so what if someone does not have interest in politics or is not updated of current affairs, so what if someone is not having babies after being married for 10 years, so what if someone is having only girl children and no boys, so what if someone at the age of 40 behaves kiddish and do not show signs of maturity, so what if someone only have boys as friends and no girlfriends, so what if being a girl someone loves to smoke and drink and party, so what if someone likes to sit in the room when the party is going out and so the list goes on.

At the end we all are humans. We can have different lifestyles, different choices and different mindset which gives us happiness, who gives you authority to judge that person. Does that person harm you in any way. There are some people who are really strong headed who give a damm what people say or think about them. Good!!! But there are some people, those the weaker section of society who do gets impacted with people’s way of judgements about them. First of all you all should know that there are other things going on someone else’s life which you are not aware of so your words or actions might add up to that misery they are facing. And even if everything is cool why not leave them alone.

Like I can give example of my own family without naming the very close member of my family always judges me by the kind of posts I put on social media, or my being filmy or the set of friends I have especially boys. Sometimes I do get embarrassed by that look in her eyes. Those look are really sarcastic. I feel low, embarrassed in my own self. My point here is if you are doing something does that mean I should do the same to fit in the intellectual circuit. Why, why can’t one be him or herself without being judged. It is very easy to give someone Gyan but it is difficult to follow that yourself.

Stop judging people, welcome them with open arms and a smile on your face. It would make a difference and then this world would be even more beautiful place to live in. And please for heaven sake stop saying “Log kya kahenge” Log waise bhi kahenge, aap kuch bhi kar lein. So do what your heart truly believes in, our society is such that it will never stop judging you because it’s their birth right, they were born with this power to belittle others and question them on every single thing they do.

Well, still we shouldn’t leave a ray of hope in us.

Keep loving and spreading positivity😇

Tripts

Married? NO!!! Why??

Hmmm, big question🤪 Tough one to answer! More than an IAS question I guess. Since long I wanted to write something on this, however whenever I thought of writing I fall short of words. But today I thought of just scribbing whatever is there in my mind without thinking if my grammar is proper or my vocabulary is fabulous.

Marriage? What is marriage??? If we go by meaning it would be like something “A sacred institution where two souls compatible to each other meet” Blah Blah Blah… But in reality marriage is something that just happens when two individuals meet, and are destined to mingle into one entity. But what if there is someone who is 25 plus and not married. Now, is that a shameful act? Or is the filth and negativity in my head? I am a single individual, my friends of my age are married and some are even having kids. Now, the reasons could be many. Not necessarily depressive ones or may be. You can’t say! But my point is why this one is so relevant a question to ask a single individual, the most important one. Off lately I came across some of my old friends with whom I was not in touch since quite a long time, and guess what the first question they asked me “Hey, are you married? No, Why? To begin with, yes they all are happily married and well settled in life.

To answer let me first begin with a happy smile that NO there is no sad story but sometimes things just don’t happen. I do not have one perfect answer as to why I am still single. May be I was not suppose to marry, may be I am not the right individual that any guy would like to settle with, may be I have adjustment issues or may be it still is not the right time… May be, May be, May be… No answer! Now tell me if you meet me at some point in life and find me still single what answer should I give you.

Earlier I was not upset of not getting married. I was a strong individual but now I am getting weak, my friends who ask me why aren’t am married don’t fail to amaze me by even giving me advice to get married as it is the only BIG necessity in life. Sometimes I feel like hiding somewhere where no one knows me, but I know that is also not an option. If I was some big personality having crores in my account, may be still then some people atleast would shut themselves if not all because then I would be having loads of money to take care of and most importantly enough to shut people, but I don’t even have that much money. No am not feeling sorry for myself because not getting married was my personal choice, but looking at societal mindset I do feel sorry for my parents because even though they don’t say anything but I do know somewhere they wanted deep in their hearts how good it would be if their daughter was married like other’s.

Sometimes I wonder where is people’s compassion towards others. If I see someone not married or not having a baby, I do not ask this question because somewhere I know it would pinch them deep down, if not all may be some. But why they do not think before asking especially if they are married that their question might hurt the person the question is being directed to. People should definitely have COMPASSION towards their fellow beings, may be they generically ask and do not intend to hurt anyone but if at the age of 40 someone is not married there might be some reason which they might not want to answer and might feel embarrassed to even address this question. And then it becomes socially awkward for such people to come in public and embrace their own selves be their own true original self. And how funny it is that then you only ask “What happened, you are not you anymore”.

I know nothing will change, this will keep on going and it’s okay people of our parents age won’t change, there is whole generation which we need to cover so we can ignore but what for the people of our age, can’t they develop “Understanding”, “Love” and “Respect” for the people of their own age group. Why can’t you be accepting? This is one question that all of us needs to ask ourselves and then we might expect some positive change in society in coming times.

And remember as someone rightly said once “Singleness is not a sickness, a sin, or a problem. Single people are not broken and they do not need to be fixed”. Stop feeling pity for them and be happy with them and enjoy with them like you use to once when you were friends when you were young 😘

Am I right OR I am right😂🌸❤️

Tripts!!!

Bollywood – An Opium For Masses

Off lately I have been following up Sushant Singh Rajput’s case a lot. There had been lot many high profile cases in the past but nothing really affected me, may be because I knew this is a brutal world and whether we like it or not we all are a part of it. So there was a sense of acceptance “Sab chalta hai, yahan aisa hi hota hai”. However, with SSR case I got deeply involved whether intentionally or unintentionally. Every day watching news and going in deep analysis about how things unfolded made me wonder what circus is this. And now this incident has become an integral part of my life till the time I am alive. And I must confess that I have been deeply impacted with the death of this person we lovingly call Sushi.

I have been an avid follower and ardent fan of Bollywood, ever since I was born. Infact as a child I wanted to be an actress. I also use to dislike when my brother commented on actresses that they do all sort of shitty stuff to get into films as he never approved the glamour industry as a profession. I use to fight that how can you say such thing, they must have worked really hard. I even use to read all film magazines like Stardust, Filmfare, Cineblitz etc.etc. more than the books in my course. Films use to run in my blood. Infact my brother use to joke if you need any information like who is dating whom ask Tripti she is film encyclopaedia. So much I loved movies.

However, things have taken a drastic turn for me. And I have never in my life imagined that my perception for film industry will ever change or I would get influenced so much that I would start hating it to the core. And this is completely my opinion, I do not want to get into any debate or influence anyone with my thoughts. I will still not say that Film Indstry is bad and nepotistic because that every industry is. You will have to learn to survive. But what is making me sad and depressed day by day is the hypocrisy and self centerdness of people all over in this industry.

A person dies and you stay quiet. When the death of Sushant happened all of you actors out there posted condolence messages all over the social sites, but no one bothered to meet his family or attend his funeral. Alright for this I would give you all benefit of doubt for the pandemic going on. But, not a word for the actor. What is the point of making movies on social causes and also speaking up on various platforms about mental health and giving motivational speeches. All that was fake and I was unnecessarily getting impressed by these people, so called “Heroes” and “Heroines”.

It pains me to know that a person was really cornered when he was alive. Now, people can say, it’s just media that is portraying Bollywood in bad light, don’t trust them. But it’s not just media, I have seen his interviews, posts on social media, it reflected his state of mind. And moreover it was evident, that he was disliked or cornered, only he could have answered why but unfortunately he is gone. I am not going as per word of mouth but I have done my own detailed analysis by watching his no. of interviews, videos and conclusion that I drew was that he was a simpleton, naive guy who tried to may be put a street smart face on him which he wasn’t, he didn’t knew how to manipulate, or be in good books. Maintain terms socially or select wise people for him. He was highly emotional and wanted everyone’s validation. He wanted that everyone should like him, praise him, people shouldn’t say bad about him, he use to get affected by people a lot. That was his biggest problem and may be that was one of the reasons that took his life. I will not get into debate whether he was murdered or he committed suicide, because we don’t know and will never know what really happened on fateful 14th afternoon. And I am pretty sure the case would be closed in a month or two without any conclusion and people will move on with their lives, the same people who are shouting justice for Sushant and Boycott Bollywood.

Fact is no one really cares how you feel, humanity is dead. Big powerful people are involved, everyone knows but still nothing will happen. Bollywood is keeping quiet, why, he was also a talented actor, one amongst you and still you don’t feel a thing for him. You don’t raise questions, Why??? Mahesh Bhatt talks like a big gyan guru in various interviews but his words does not match his actions. My favourite Amitabh Bachchan talks a lot about the teachings his “Babuji” gave him but mum on SSR death, Deepika Padukone still post about depression and how to overcome but not a word on how this young guy who is dead now must have felt when he was alive. My all time fav, my hero, Amir Khan doesn’t care, he will make shows like “Satyamev Jayte” but when the time is for real Satya there is no Satya from him at all. And most importantly King Khan who has always impressed me not because of his acting but his motivational speeches and inspiring stories in various colleges, he will post just condolence message on his demise and that’s it. And the list goes on.

It makes me really pathetic how everyone in Bollywood is silent and don’t want to comment. Forget about death, when he was alive that time also they were least bothered. It makes me wonder what world are we living in where someone else’s misery does not shake us. Everytime I see his video or movie or news on T.V, tears roll down automatically, even if I don’t want to cry. I simply want to put myself off from this industry. Yes ofcourse I would like to confess here that I am a media person so for my livelyhood I might be connected to this industry somehow but that would be strictly professional now and no emotions attached, yes that’s wierd that a person like me is saying this who is overtly emotional. But the truth now is, their misery will not move me because now I know they all are fake, meaningless individual. Their existence is a shame to humanity.

I hereby makes a promise to myself no more Bollywood. No movies, award shows, T.V shows etc. etc. I know I am a petite creature on this planet so no one really cares and I am not doing this to bring any change because the fact is nothing will change ever. So, I can do my bit. I cannot fake anymore. Miss you Sushant, you are at a happy place now. This world does not deserve you.

Folks be nice and wise to all!!!

Please don’t let humanity die in us…

Love and only Love.

Tripts ❤️